I accidentally had phone sex last night
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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