Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Randomize