I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
So much rum. So many feels.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
