I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
