I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
