You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
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