i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
accomplished twins. life is a go
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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