I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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