gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Randomize
