What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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