I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Everything about him screamed your future.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
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