Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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