The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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