'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize