Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
