he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
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