mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
