One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
