alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
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