I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Randomize
