I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize