the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
