god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
