Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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