the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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