I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Randomize
