Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Randomize
