I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
