why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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