i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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