We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Randomize
