im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
