ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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