Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Randomize
