i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
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