If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Randomize
