i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
