I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
