I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
