So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
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