She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
smell my finger.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
