Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Randomize
