GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
