yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Randomize
