If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
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