im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
