I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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