I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
