I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Randomize
