someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Dick very happy bro
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Randomize
