For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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