I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
