just come out here and I will go home with you...
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
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