There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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