So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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