Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
