he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Sober January is a disaster.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
