If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Never underestimate the power of titties
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
