remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
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