Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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