It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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