How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize