There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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