On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
